To Pee or Not to Pee, That Is The Question: Part Due
For someone with a rather overactive bladder, I was surprised at how tricky I found it to go for a tinkle on demand...
Similar to last week, I’ll begin this post by admitting that I just Googled the words “peeing fetish” and was met with a word I’ve never heard before: “Urolagnia” and the definition… “a paraphilia in which sexual excitement is associated with the sight or thought of urine or urination” - otherwise known as a “golden shower.”
I have never participated in such activities, but I have been propositioned with the whole peeing in the bedroom thing a total of two times in my life - and both times it was by Italian men (who share the same name by the way.)
Now, I’ve had my fair share of sexual experiences with Italian guys over the past decade, so I’m sure this is simply just a coincidence. It’s a running joke that I have “a type” and he’s usually Italian or Sicilian. Mr. Wonderwall, who I was in a relationship with for seven years was half Sicilian, and my other ex - who broke my heart in 2018 - was from the north of Italy. Yes, I’m an Italophile, but let’s return to the peeing.
I first met Mr. Nutella during a night out in east London in February 2016. A friend was visiting for the weekend and staying with me in West Hampstead. We hit up a bar in Shoreditch - the manager was an Italian dude I had met through another one of my Italian flings - Mr. Milano (more on him later) and therefore we were treated to free drinks all night.
I can’t remember how I started chatting to Mr. Nutella, but I do know that when the music stopped and the lights came on at 3 am, we were entangled on a sofa mid-snog. He asked me to go home with him but I refused as I’m not the type of girl who would let a friend go home alone. Said friend vomited in the taxi on our way home and we spent the next day horrifically hungover in bed eating Domino’s pizza and watching RuPaul’s Drag Race.
I’d swapped numbers with Mr. Nutella and we arranged a “date” at mine a few days later. To be completely honest, I don’t remember the sex being anything to shout about, but I do remember him asking if he could pee on me. I declined. He then attempted to make the invitation seem more appealing by suggesting he could pee on me in the shower. Still, I declined.
Of course, I was instantly reminded of a season 3 episode of Sex and the City where Carrie FREAKS OUT when a politician she’s seeing tells her that he wants her to pee on him. “I would be very worried if I were you, the pee could just be foreplay,” Miranda tells Carrie as she starts to spiral. Long story short, when Carrie politely refuses to partake in the peeing, the politician dumps her and she writes about it in her weekly sex column, so I thought why not make it a two-parter?
A few weeks later, Mr. Nutella came over to my flat for a second time and while there was no mention of peeing on this occasion, we did bring a jar of the much-loved hazelnut cocoa spread into the bedroom - that’s a whole different kind of messy… and a tale for another day.
My second peeing proposition occurred much more recently in July 2022 when I took a trip to the north of Italy to stay with Mr. Lockdown Lover - a man I had met in March 2020, just days before Boris Johnson closed all the pubs. I should clarify that Mr. Lockdown Lover was never my boyfriend, but I still think very fondly of him - despite my feelings never really being reciprocated… story of my life.
I'd had quite a lot of fun with Mr. Lockdown Lover in the bedroom since we met, so I was rather taken aback when we were getting frisky at his flat in Italy after a boozy night out and amidst the throes of passion, he told me he wanted me to pee on him. I'm not sure if it was the copious amount of alcohol I had consumed that night or the fact that I liked him, but I decided to give it a go.
However, my bladder had other ideas and when stage fright set in, we had to return to the bedroom to finish our sesh sans urine. We never spoke about it afterward, and I have no idea if he’d ever indulged in such activities with other women before me (no judgment.)
I've not seen Mr. Lockdown Lover since that trip, but we're still Facebook mates and always send each other the obligatory Happy Birthday/Merry Christmas texts. A few weeks after we'd said goodbye in the summer of 2022, I messaged him and asked if he could ever see us being “more than friends with benefits” - I already knew what his answer was going to be, but for some silly reason, I felt like I needed closure.
When he replied: “You are a really good friend and I care about you (with or without benefits, it doesn’t matter and it doesn’t change anything),” I was gutted, even though I had predicted such a response. I guess I should have known that a guy who suggested I pee on him probably wasn’t going to ask for my hand in marriage one day.
I apologized for being dramatic before informing him that I needed to “remove myself from the situation" because it wasn’t “healthy for me” blah blah blah, but what I really wanted to reply was: "YOU ASKED ME TO PEE ON YOU!!!”
When it comes to men, they say you should always trust your gut instinct, but on this occasion, I decided to listen to my bladder instead - and perhaps mine didn’t think that Mr. Lockdown Lover could be “the one” after all.
Ciao for now!
Thirsty Kirsty x
Listen to your bladder!! Ha ha x
❤️❤️❤️